Self-Censorship

Well, you might guess what this is about.

Truthfully, I did have some reservations about my last post, knowing that there was a possibility that I would hear some complaints about what I wrote. As she hung up on me tonight, she said derisively that I would probably write about the conversation, "since I write about everything else on there." Quite a nasty tone, unfortunately.

Well - I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone.

But seriously... in one of my earliest posts on this blog, I said that I would avoid censoring myself and would write about whatever topic I felt like writing about. Obviously, this has the potential to cause some problems with people, especially those that access this space on any kind of regular basis. However, I thought it was much more important for me to be able to have somewhere to talk about what's on my mind at any given time, to discuss things that interest me that are going on in the news, and to relate stories and experiences from my own life. Above all, it was imperative that I be allowed to do this without constant paranoia that I should avoid talking about certain things. Yes, there are things that even I won't talk about on here, believe it or not - but the whole point of that little subheading below the Zepcowboy title - "didn't anyone ever tell you..." is that this is my spot to talk about whatever I damn well please. Yes, I talk about people I know here. I talk about myself as well. I talk about things that I'm proud of and things I'm not proud of. I don't post everything I do throughout the entire day, because that would be ridiculous. But once in a while, I'll write some stuff and throw it on here. I talk about stupid things I've done on here, and I talk about stupid things other people do. I talk about things that I want to talk about, and that's not going to change. I'm a lot less offensive than a large portion of things you might see on the internet. And most of the time when any normal person sees this much uninterrupted text, they turn around and go somewhere else.

Just as an aside while I'm thinking about it, since I forgot to formally reply in the comments section when I got the message a few days ago... Amy, it's very gracious of you to offer your help and knowledge of DC even though - as you put it - we don't get along. I'm sorry that we don't, but I think we both agree we're more than capable of being civil to each other, and that's good.

Anyway - I don't think that I wrote anything that mischaracterized anything that anyone said or did in my last post, and the subjective bits were quite obviously instances where I was choosing to offer an opinion. I never asserted in that post, contrary to any mistaken interpretation, that anyone was a slut. I did offer some general thoughts and specifically my opinion of the message that a so-called sorority spot/tramp stamp/whore patch tat sends to most guys when they see it. These thoughts and this opinion was absolutely nothing different from what I had previously said personally to Chelsea when she initially told me that she wanted to get a tattoo, in the intervening weeks before her birthday, and once again after she got the tattoo - accompanied of course by the same guy that she had described to me on multiple occasions as an unemployed, abusive, cheating former boyfriend with whom she wished to have no further contact (not least of all because he had first choked her and then later punched her in what she said were her two previous encounters with him).

Again - these are all facts. One may certainly take issue with opinions and editorial comments, but to protest the statement of facts seems quite foolish. It may follow that an unfortunate side effect of the presentation of these facts leads to a negative impression of any of the individuals mentioned. However, I'm not making any of this up. It all happened. This is not what idiotic street thugs can refer to as "talking shit" (unless facts are shit, in which case I would suppose that we're all out of luck). Talking shit would imply that I am trading in rumors and falsehoods, which I am not.

To jump back for just a second - Joy obviously has a tattoo in that location, and other tattoos in other locations. This is well known; she has had them for years, and she got the tattoo on her back before it became trendy and popular to do so. Not in this post, nor in any other post, do I intend or would I ever impugn her character. I think of her very highly and remember my time with her fondly and am sorry I that I did not treat her better than I did. She is a good person.

Really, I think Chelsea is at heart a good person as well. She seems to have a few problems with honesty, which are unfortunate, but I'm sure that she can overcome them eventually if she tries. I really do wish that we would have had more in common and could have talked more freely with each other than we seemed to feel comfortable with when we were together. Something I speculated about to her was that intimacy after too brief a time can cut development and growth in other areas of a relationship. I don't know if that was the case with us or if it simply would never have worked. I think she's a beautiful girl, but I was perhaps too skeptical too early about too many things. Of course the other factor was that she did not seem to be over (or at the very least - free of - her ex when we got together). I don't know where the blame lies there. It may not be anyone's fault; it may be a simple question of time.

I may be called a social conservative or a prude or something else by some for my position on tattoos. Hey - everyone is free to do what they want to their own body, and I am free to have my own opinions about the things that they do. I am merely of the belief that the woman I marry or at least am with for a long-term commitment - if there ever is one again - will most likely (I could never say never, just in case) be un-inked, especially in the particular region I've been talking about. Obviously there is a possibility that things could and will turn out differently, and I can't rule anything out completely. I'm just saying most likely. It's not something I find appealing.

On a relevant topic, Matt K is in a TA group/seminar/something/(niner...?) in which there was a discussion about the way girls dress, how they view themselves, and what kinds of impressions or messages they believe they're sending when they dress in certain ways. He could explain this a lot better than I'm doing now, but basically it seems as though the girls who dress the most provocatively profess to have no idea how they're being viewed and thought of by men and even other women. Contrary to what many guys might believe, which is that a woman may stop in front of a mirror and mentally say to herself, "gee, my breasts are hanging out of this shirt - I'm sure to get hit on tonight" - most of these women are seemingly oblivious, or they're lying. I was there when Matt questioned one of our friends regarding this topic, and she admitted that she was somewhat concerned that other girls may be dressed "better" than her when she goes out. When pressed to describe just what "better" meant, she eventually said "sexier."

As Turck pointed out, some girls who are dressing "better" in order to compete with others are effectively driving away some of the "nice guys" who often develop mistaken impressions about just what kind of personality these girls have. At the same time, they may be attracting guys they are likely to be disappointed by, since the guys believe they're going for the "easy lay." I thought this was an excellent point, and one that I've often thought about. I'm often dissuaded from even considering hanging around or talking to certain girls, based primarily on the way they've chosen to dress themselves to go out. It may be completely unfair, but first impressions rule most encounters, and I think that's true of most people. It's hard to recover any substantial amount of respect after you're seen in a spaghetti-strap top and bare midriff in borderline freezing conditions.

I think this is one of the things I was trying to communicate before. We live in a culture where you are labeled by people almost immediately. This is unfortunate, but it is fact. Virtually everyone is guilty of doing this many times throughout the day. I freely admit that I engage in this practice much more than I should, often dismissing people before I have even heard them speak. I seem to be much more narrow-minded in practice than I am in theory, and I have to work hard to overcome this.

Where was I? Ah yes - so I briefly considered editing the post and changing the names to protect the not-so-innocent. But I decided not to, since this is my little corner of the world in which to dwell. Rest at ease - very few people read this, and most of them are quite close friends and this is nothing different from what I would say in person, except here I get to ramble on and on and on and talk about anything I want, including my innermost thoughts about Led Zeppelin or anything else, and I don't have to worry about boring anyone, since no one's being forced to continue reading my never-ending run-on sentences. Anyone else who might be reading this has no remote idea who the hell I'm talking about and this is all just good soap opera material.

I think I'll stop now. I had some other things I was going to say, but I think I've hit the major points.