As the title of the post suggests, I'm at Sears right now. And you know it's incredibly busy if I'm doing this...
So let's talk about the Wendy-Amy-Aaron connection, shall we?
Let's go back to New Year's Eve at Turck's place. Turck was there of course (at least in body if not in mind after about 1:30 or so when he passed out downstairs). Also in attendance: Turck's girlfriend Lindsey, her friends, including Samantha Harris (formerly of Sears) wearing what looked to be a pink silk lingerie top under a tiny little coat (in other words, she was being herself)....Randy & Laura, Wendy & Joe, Matt, Thom, and then me.
According to an IM conversation relayed to me by Aaron, Amy Gustafson contended that I had acted in accordance with my usual "ass" personality at Turck's place and I supposedly punched Matt in his bad knee and was generally drunk and abusive. I use the phrase 'drunk and abusive' because it appears in The Big Lebowski, when The Dude is ejected from Jackie Treehorn's Garden Party and is assaulted by the chief of police of Malibu (peaceful beach community). "Jackie Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Lebowski. You don't draw shit."
Anyway, the thing is that nothing happened that could even have been taken out of context and misconstrued into something like this (or so I thought). Wendy has subsequently admitted to "possibly" allowing Amy to draw some incorrect conclusions about what took place on New Year's Eve.
Matt was at my apartment when Aaron called and told me about his IM conversation. Matt decided that he must have "battered-wife syndrome" and consequently was able to block the entire event out of his memory.
In the meantime, however...I think I do a good enough job of acting like a jerk on my own without someone having to make things up about me and telling other people about it. Maybe I'm wrong. Excuse me while I beat these elderly people with this crowbar. First I'll crack up those oxygen tanks they were wheeling around with them.
Oh. No, that didn't really happen. Did it?
I just wanted to publicly thank everyone who may or may not have been involved with that little incident.
Sincerely,
me
7 comments:
Wow, Wyatt. You're such an ass. And to think that I was considering being your roommate. I'm sure that you've got it out for me too. I mean if you beat on elderly folks and your guy friends, then you surely must abuse girls as well. As if torturing people by making them play games for hours at a time isn't enough. It's horrible to think that you feel the need to resort to physical violence.
I felt the need to comment since some of my "best friends" were invloved...and we all know that friends don't lie to us.
Here is what I told Amy, which is what actually happened at Turck's house:
Wyatt punched Matt in the stomach (sidearmed, if you want to get technical).
Later, while we were watching TV, Matt had his leg up on the couch (his bad leg). Wyatt said, "Move your leg." Matt said no. Wyatt said, "Come on man, move your leg," while lightly nudging it in a floorward direction. Matt said, "Ow, that hurts." Wyatt gave up and sat in the recliner.
That's what happened, and that's what I told Amy. I did use the words "punched" and "Matt's leg," but not together.
Is it wrong to be curious about the identity of "anonymous" and who her "best friends" are?
Ditto the "wow." No one ever said we were mature, right?
I hate grape jelly. I would never select grape jelly. Of course, there are more obnoxious things in the world, such as spelling things wrong repeatedly and then posting them on the internet for everyone to see. But maybe that's not as bad as it gets.
Anyway...the Anonymous person could be any number of people who do not have a blog. Or they might have a blog and just be logging in anonymously. I'm pretty sure it's the same anonymous person that has posted in the past, but I will leave it to them to decide whether or not they would like to reveal their identity.
So I didn't want this New Year's Eve beating that didn't happen to turn into a big thing. I just wanted to post what I recalled to be what actually transpired. That is all.
I kind of stop checking the comments on the older posts after I put up a couple new ones.
Also, I have pretty much come to the point where I expect a certain level of errors with all your comments...
Hey Wyatt. It's Amy Gustafson - that evil girl who "makes up" cruel stories to make you look like a bad guy for no reason....
Just to set the record straight, it wasn't Wendy who shared this story with me, so don't flip out on her about it.
When I asked her about Turck's New Years party and if you had really nailed Matt in the chest and then pushed his bad leg - she actually gave me a milder version of what I had originally heard. So if anything - you should thank her for making you seem like LESS of an ass.
Matt and Wendy are probably two of the best friends you will ever have. Honestly, I don't see why you don't go out of your way to be nicer to them.
Whatever happened - it's over and done with. I just thought I'd set the record straight. And don't get me wrong - I don't hate you. I just don't know why people continue to hang around you when you treat them like crap all the time.
You really aren't a bad guy sometimes. I sincerely hope you can control yourself at Aaron & Nikki's wedding.
And, by the way, if I do end up bringing a date of another race or ethnicity, I'd appreciate you keeping your Affirmative Action jokes to yourself.
Thanks so much.
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