The Digits

Well - here we are again, kids.

I had yet another paper due for Dr. Filipink today. This one was late, unfortunately. I read the book - Presidential Decisions for War, which discusses Truman's handling of Korea, Johnson's dealings in Vietnam, and GHW Bush's intervention in the first Gulf War - over the past week, but the majority of which was completed in the last 30 hours or so. I wrote seven pages in roughly three hours, from 10:30 to 1:30. The class was at noon though. Hopefully he accepts it and doesn't dock me.

The previous post pretty much covered my interaction after class on Friday with the girl featured in the "Smooth" post from Thursday night. There was a little more to it than that. She told me to call her if I was "doing anything" that night. Well, of course I wasn't - but I called anyway and got her voicemail. I left a long, rambling message explaining that it was me that was calling, and that I understood she might not answer because when I call with my calling card, an odd number will appear on Caller ID. I was able to play back the message and I realized that I sounded awful - very monotonic, morose, moribund - you name it.

Yes - I recognize that I probably normally sound like that and am simply unaware of it.

Anyway - I recorded another voicemail while trying to sound 'upbeat' and artificially cheerful. There was a marginal - repeat marginal - improvement. This was done at roughly 9:55. She did not call back.

I called Steph L to complain about things. We talked for a while. I did not go out. I did get a bunch of ironing done and some reading for the paper that was due today.

Saturday was the Autumn & Kristen O birthday extravaganza at Matt D's place. I traveled from the mall after work to my parents' house to pick up some clothes (apparently there was originally supposed to be a 'rave' theme, so I squeezed into my black/silver 100% nylon Kikwear pants that I bought at PacSun in 1999 and have worn roughly 12 times in the intervening years. I also wore the suede-like long-sleeve blue shirt. I figured that was about as 'rave' as I was going to get.

Turns out there wasn't much of a rave atmosphere there, although Autumn was playing different kinds of music in multiple rooms of the house. There was beer and wine to be had. I spent a lot of time toward the end of the night talking to M Gleason, a friend of Theresa's that I met last year. He was at the Audioslave show that I attended in Cleveland with KP, Thom, and Matt K and it turns out he was also at the Cleveland Foozer show that Thom and I went to in October. So we talked about Radiohead, Rage, Foo, Dylan, Soundgarden, Tool and of course Zeppelin for quite a while. Gleason was so enthused by our shared musical tastes that he stopped me several times after I said something he vehemently agreed with to say, "let me just shake your hand right now, man - that is so true!" I would say this probably happened close to ten times.

But I was pretty inebriated too, so it was funny. And it's always great to talk music with someone with similar interests. We both had to laugh when it was discovered neither one of us can play a damn thing or has any musical talent whatsoever (except for the ability to discern what is good and what sucks, of course).

Kristen told me several times that I should not distress over the girl who has not called me back. See - I was so worried that I had approached her too late and it would be difficult to leave for DC with the prospect of missing out on something good; as it transpired however, everything worked out fairly well. We now have less than a week in which we're likely to encounter each other in class or on campus, which means that we probably won't have to discover too many new and different ways to avoid awkward eye contact in the meantime.

Always look on the bright side!

As everyone knows, this is my motto for life.

As I mentioned, she is a psychology major. My theory is that she was able to discover in a fairly short period of time a reasonable working diagnosis of all my various harmful behaviors/habits/idiosyncracies and determine that she just couldn't deal with that sort of challenge. Some psych majors have a tendency to find someone they can work on, but I would say most of the more balanced people that become psychologists would rather find a more socially well-adjusted person than myself with whom to start a relationship.

Just a theory.

Oh - I should tell you this proud little detail.

On Sunday, I was somewhat perturbed by the whole situation and decided to email her. I knew before I even wrote it that it was a huge mistake, and something that no normal (well-adjusted, or even just aware of the rules of the omnipresent 'game') person would do. I basically said that I think I received the proper message from the lack of a return call or email, but that if I was mistaken, I asked her to let me know. I also stated my awareness that such an email was not normal behavior for anyone who is not an idiot, but that I am, after all, unique.

Surprisingly, I have not heard from her yet...

Yeah. I was basically saying 'screw it,' because it's fairly obvious that I managed to do something in a day and a half to scare her off, and I'm sick of playing around. I don't know why people can't be just a L-I-T-T-L-E more open and honest with each other and about their intentions. I hate these fucking games. I gave this girl every possible opportunity to 'escape' or 'get out of' giving her number and letting her know that "hey, I understand - most girls don't find me attractive in any way, and I'm not really expecting you to be any different. It would be nice, but I'm realistic."

No - I didn't really say that.

But I think I implied it pretty effectively.

So why go through with it? To give me a day of optimism and hope? I don't get it. I just don't. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who just randomly gives out her number to any guy who talks to her. Like I said - I don't ask for many (or really any - when I receive them, they're generally freely given without any asking. Not that this happens often at all, but it has happened) numbers, so it's somewhat of an event when it takes place.

Ugh. All right - I don't want to talk about it any more. I've obviously been thinking about it fairly steadily, and now I've gotten it out and it's done. I didn't go to the class today that we're both in...I had already finished the paper, but I didn't feel like having any encounters or odd looks or dumb, painful small talk as if she didn't get the email or the phone call that came before it.

Okay. That's it for now.